DOGE is red tape

Forget the myth about tech innovation, they are deliberately stopping government from functioning

What would it be like to DOGE leaders about their management strategies?

-We have some ideas about how to make government work better.

*Cool, whats your background?

-We have created some of the best companies in the world. And we understand tech innovation. Well, some of us do. Some of us are just loosely connected to that world, or help to provide drugs to its participants. Some of us are racist online weirdos, so a bit closer to that world.

*Uh, ok, what are your ideas?

-First, everyone should write down what they did every week, and send it to someone they don’t know who doesn’t supervise them.

*Hmm…and then what?

-Well, we will use the information to evaluate priorities.

*So you understand the policy area and value of what is being done?

-No, AI will help us.

*Have you built and tested the AI?

-No, that comes later.

*Any other management tricks.

-Yes, we put employees in a constant state of fear. We fire them and rehire them and refire them again. Make them return to office even as we are trying to sell their office space. Tell them they can resign, but then put the person processing the resignations on administrative leave. Anyone who says what we are doing might be illegal goes on administrative leave.

*They must love that.

-Ha-ha, yes. It’s driving a lot of people who love working for government to leave. We forced some to stay up for 36 hours straight to help fire their colleagues. Someone asked us about our HR strategy and we said “What would you say you do there?” Like in the movie Office Space. Do you get it?

*Riiight. I have seen the movie. Weren’t those guys corporate assholes?

-What? No. Honestly, I just saw the gif. Supercool. We are also cutting unnecessary spending.

*Wow, seems like a big deal. How do you know its unnecessary? Wait, is that even legal?

-Look, I’m not a constitutional lawyer. Some guy on X said it was. And none of it is really necessary if you think about it. Which we don’t.

*But don’t some of these services exist because people value them?

-We don’t value them. But never mind. In the future, AI will do all of this work. You don’t really need humans with specialist expert knowledge and skills when you have AI.

*But you haven’t built the AI before firing all the staff.

-No. Why do you ask? Look, Twitter went down occasionally, but its still going.

*Seems like a government would be different. Like mistakes could be a big deal. And don’t some services provide a lot of public value. Like the CFPB has delivered billions for taxpayers.

-Yes, but it costs millions. We have to focus on the bottom line.

*What about life-saving services? Like US AID.

-See prior response. If people wanted to live, they should not be dependent on taxpayer handouts. And the problem will resolve itself eventually…one way or the other.

*Some of these things seem sort of important. Like, if the tax agency can’t collect money, don’t you lose hundreds of billions, maybe even trillions.

-The real issue is that you are saving millions.

*Oh…that seems kinda-

-We are not just cutting. Thats only part of our tool box. We are also putting a $1 credit card limit on all purchases.

*But what if an employee wants to buy something?

-It was probably fraudulent, definitely wasteful.

*Doesn’t it cost a lot more and take more time to have every purchase reviewed with layers and layers of paperwork?

-Thats exactly our approach to all types of spending! We can add unnecessary layers of review for previously approved spending by political appointees who don’t understand what they are looking at. It leads to a lot of delay of frustration.

*So how do you decide what to cut?

-(chuckles) Oh we cut everything. Sometimes a court says we have to spend the money, and then we just call it something different, like “defend the spend.” But the point is to not spend anything.

*Sounds annoying

-Oh yeah (chuckles). The Head Start people get really irritated when their money does not turn up. One of the benefits of firing people is you save money on their salary, but also no-one is there to administer the program or deliver grants, saving even more money!

*Is that how you run your businesses.

-Absolutely not. Ugh, so much red tape and chaos. So inefficient. How would we get anything done?

*Red tape is bad?

-Well, yes, for private companies. We want them to succeed. That is high value work. Public sector work has negative value.

*Ok, what do you call this operation?

-The Department of Government Efficiency!